Problems are for Solving

Proverbs 18:13—“He who gives answer before he hears, that is folly and shame to him.�

If you want to help people solve problems, the first and most important thing you need to learn to do is listen.

Proverbs 18 has three verses on listening and I will talk about all three if them in time. Verse 13 is the right place to begin. This is the one I personally struggle with the most.

I usually am told I am a “type A� personality or a choleric. I will write more about personality later, but briefly here I’ll say that all of us have all of the personality “types� but we tend to gravitate towards one or two of them most easily. There are times that we ought to be each of them and times where the reactions of one “type� are sinful.

For me, though, I gravitate towards being the boss. In many situations that is a good thing, but in many others it’s bad. One place where it’s totally horrible is when I am listening to others and I succumb to the temptation to finish their sentence for them. I do it to my children way too often, my wife on more occasions than I ought, and occasionally with people I work with. I see this same tendency in my oldest son and desire to purge it from my life in order to help him with this struggle as well.

Anyway, finishing somebody else’s sentence is the most obvious way to violate God’s injunction here—answering before one hears.

If I finish your sentence, it’s not only rude, I’m likely to be wrong. I’m right when I do it 50% of the time but even when I’m right, I’m not really right. Because I won’t say it the way you do and I’m not supposed to say it at all. I’m supposed to listen.

Much more subtle than finishing another person’s sentence, though, is answering before one hears. I do that all the time. I listen just enough to think we have a solution to a problem and then jump in with the answer when what I am sure is the right answer.

When what I should have done is asked another question.

Answers are more fun than questions.

But too often they’re wrong. God says here that when I do that it is ‘folly and shame� to me. Folly and shame are not words that we use much today. But we do still use words that are related to them. Folly means being a fool. We all know what it means to be a fool, or to be foolish.

When I have shame, I am ashamed of myself. That often happens when I do something foolish. God says here both folly and shame to show the magnitude of the foolishness of answering before one hears.

Listening is important to solving problems. Crucial. Don’t answer before you hear. Ask enough questions that you are sure you understand before you give an answer. Don’t be a fool and bring shame upon yourself.

May God give each of us the grace to listen long and hard before we answer.