Problems are for Solving

Theresa and I are pleased to announce that, around Thanksgiving Day, we are expecting another child to arrive here in Ebenezer House. Here’s a picture and something I wrote right before I got the pic last Wednesday:

Seven of the last eight pregnancies have not ended with a baby in our arms. They’ve ended with tears and sadness and a bitter tasting cup to drink. We have not gotten to hear those hearts beat. Not heard the cries of a newborn. A laugh, a first word–all outside of even my dreams.

It may be too early today. We may have to wait to know. Like I wait right now for them to call me in to possibly know nothing new.

I long right now to hear that patPATpatpat of the quick fetal hearttones- faster than even my old out of shape heart is on a treadmill. It is a beautiful sound- I know this because I can remember what it sounded like roughly two years ago when we sat in a room not knowing if we were going to get a baby after six consecutive miscarriages.

And there it was: Margary’s heartbeat. A sound of certain life that brought tears to our eyes. I’m not sure I’ve ever had a moment on this earth where a sound was that sweet.

And now I long once more, another child gone to be with God last October, to hear those sweet beats of a tiny tiny heart.

Yesterday, though, I realized something. While I cannot imagine a sweeter sound than those heartbeats right now, there is a sweeter sound that goes beyond my imagination that I know I will hear. And that is the voice of Jesus. It will be a sweeter sound than these earthly ears have ever heard as He welcomes me Home.

They called me in and there it is. A little sac in TC’s uterus. Inside? Our baby. And then there it was. a blinking pulse from there in the sac.

“Are there speakers?”

And she turned them on and I heard a sound that still leaves tears of joy in my eyes. That sound we’ve prayed to hear for the last two weeks. That sweet, sweet sound of a baby’s heart.

Thank You, Lord Jesus. Thank you! I praise Your name for this sweet sweet sound of a tiny heart in a tiny child. Thank you.

“Holy, holy Lord God Almighty!
“Worthy is the Lamb who was slain!
“Highest praises, honor and glory
“Be unto Your Name!”

We’ve never miscarried after hearing the heartbeat- but many women do. Please do stay in prayer for our little one.

We’ve chosen a good Calvinist pet name for this little one: baby Lucky. We hope he will be number seven in our home- arriving sometime around Thanksgiving, making that a sweet, sweet day of thanks for us.

Nothing has changed with Theresa since the last update. Good news today, though, is that the dishwasher is finally working again, with a new pump! Clean dishes all around. Raise a glass and toast the dishwasher repairman.

Those who read my blog have likely noticed that there hasn’t been anything there. I planned (and still will) to put some more of the writings I’ve done after previous miscarriage out on the web, but just haven’t done so.

For those who came in late, 15 days ago during a routine OB visit we found out that our baby is dead. Since then, there has been no change, and Theresa has not yet finished miscarrying.

The waiting is hard on both of us, but especially so on Theresa. Her body still is acting like a normal pregnancy and is a nearly constant reminder of the death of our little one.

Please continue to remember us in prayer. This continues to be hard, and we are steadfastly trying to trust God’s timing and care in all of it.

The other day when I was searching around for something to be thankful for I got caught up on my travel numbers. September was the second month this year where I didn’t travel at all. And in August I came home from a business trip and had some small trips, including Toby’s birthday trip but put very few miles on.

Through September 30th I am at about 12,000 miles. That’s compared to just over 30,000 miles this time last year. 2,000 fewer miles per month. That’s something to be very thankful for as I enter a season of more travel over the last quarter. And a good deal of the travel this year has been personal and non-emergency.

I am thankful to God for the comparative rest from last year’s heavy travels.

This afternoon at a routine OB visit, they were unable to find the baby in an ultrasound. The sac was there, but no baby was to be found. The sac is the right size for how far along we thought TC is, and we are grieving our loss. At some point she will finish miscarrying–please pray that God will be merciful in this. We are very sad, but trusting in our savior.

What E’er my God ordains is right.

I’ve been writing a lot about abortion and the theme could be called: “babies are people too.”

And yesterday morning we found out that there’s a little people growing inside TC. Best guess is due date mid-May next year.

Wahoo! Praise God for this blessing. And please be praying for TC and our little one as he grows.

Last night’s supper included salad made with romaine lettuce, fresh diced tomatoes (from a garden of a friend), feta cheese and black olives. Oh, and topped with homemade creamy garlic and dill dressing made by Raquel.

I had four helpings of salad. Usually I pass on it.

Fresh vegetables make a huge difference, and I’m glad to have friends who share their gardening surplus with us. We’ve not been home at the right times and ambitious enough to get veggies of our own, but have enjoyed greatly the generosity of others in that.

Mmmm. Fresh tomatoes.

Oh and there’s fresh salsa in the fridge too. Mmmm.

I’m in the car (Seth is driving) on the way home from Indianapolis. I have some thoughts on the whole experience, but I probably won’t get any flesh on them, at least in written form, anytime soon. Here are some extremely brief (possibly overly simplified) reflections from my week, in no particular order:

1. If I come again I want to figure out a way to bring more of my family, in particular my wife and oldest son. My wife because I have missed her horribly (and she, me) and three nights is just a long time to be away when I’m taking vacation. My oldest son because he missed his brother terribly and would have loved to share the experience. This, however, was Toby’s 10 year old trip and as it ought to be was just him and me.
2. I got some good time to talk with Toby and get to know him a little better as he’s growing. And I’m looking forward to our friendship growing as I pursue things with him that he takes interest in.
3. Everyone in the known universe is a geek. Some people are geeks about sports (quoting batting averages, etc.), some about fast engines, some about games, some about music, ad infinitum. And among different types of geeks there are geek specialties. And this week I got to see many of the sub-specialties of gamer geeks. And some of them were quite interesting, others disturbing.
4. While I consider myself to be normal (don’t we all) I did not feel as out of place among gamers as I thought I would. Certainly there were times when I thought, “do I really belong here?” but most of the time I thought “except for some morality issues that separate us, Toby is a lot like people here.” And since I like hanging out with Toby and Seth and Ralph, there was no feeling of non-belonging despite various differences.
5. I like playing games. I also like games to keep moving. I found myself losing patience with the slowness of moving by our opponents in the massive heroscape scenario we took part in this week. (See my FB account for some pretty cool (and some awfully taken) pictures of the event. Some of this is my need for more patience, and some of it is my desire to have things moving, and some of it is my lack of desire (possibly to a sinful extent) to stop and enjoy the moment when the next moment is more attractive to me.
6. Gamers need Jesus. I overheard just enough conversations sitting around while Toby talked with the homestead to realize that there are hurting, self-centered people just like me that just happen to be immsersed in stuff that I am not. And in that context, Christians need to engage this subset of people who need Jesus just as we need to engage the stockbrokers who need Jesus and the street people who need Jesus and the people on our street who need Jesus.

I’m sure I”m forgetting something, but if I didn’t write this down right away I’m sure I’d forget it. I’ll close the post with a nice picture of Toby doing what Toby does well–concentrating on a visually pleasing art project. I’m thankful for this time with him.

Well it’s my birthday, too, yeah.
[insert guitars here]

It is a new era.

Today was my first birthday since starting a facebook account. And because I was non-private enough (I did consider this btw) to allow my birthday to be “public” for my facebook friends, they all knew.

And so today my wall on facebook was plastered with birthday greetings from people around the world who I know, most of whom I’ve actually met IRL.

This is a blessing, to be sure. Facebook (and other tools like it) can allow us to be more involved in the lives of people we see infrequently. I have been glad for the reminders of birthdays, all of which never would have made it into my MS Outlook Calendar. I have been glad for the opportunities to wish well to friends that I don’t see (as far away as Korea!) well on the anniversary of his/her birth.

I am also glad that not all of my FB friends (not to be confused with my *real life* friends, though there is significant crossover) wished me happy birthday. At that point it would have felt like FB greetings on the birthday is somehow socially obligatory, which would make all of the greetings I received worth less somehow.

Technology can be a wonderful thing, used wisely. I pray that I will learn greater wisdom in my own use of it as I enter my 40th year.

To those of you, my wife and family especially, that made this a wonderful day: thank you. I do appreciate it. It is nice to be loved, and nice on those occasions where that love is most felt.

Today is Theresa’s birthday. The Big 34. Yep. I married a younger woman. She wasn’t even 21 yet when we got married.

Theresa loves to learn. She devours books about topics that would bore the socks off me. And then she tells me about what she read and makes it interesting. Topics like the management of waste water for cities and soil conservation. I’m serious.

And today I am very thankful and glad to be married. And very thankful that after 13+ years she continues to put up with me.

Happy Birthday, my love. You continue to be my best friend and the one I most look forward to coming home to. Thank you for these years of marriage and for giving our children your love for learning new things. May you never cease to love to learn, and may we continue in our endeavors to learn to love.