Problems are for Solving

The last couple of posts have “seemed out of character” for me to some of my readers. And since “some readers” makes up a majority of “those readers I actually have” I thought I should address those concerns. :0)

Earlier this year, Raquel wrote a post about a Casting Crowns song called Voice of Truth.

There’s another song on that album called Stained Glass Masquerade about which Adiel posted a couple of months ago.

In football, when someone grabs another player’s face mask, it calls for a penalty. Sometimes 5 yards. Sometimes 15.

In the Church, when someone else’s mask is grabbed usually what happens is that somebody leaves the field.

I said it this way to a friend on Sunday, “I’m tired of being the one who’s supposed to have it all together.”

And I was. And I am.

And there’s a reason for that.

I never had it all together. And I can’t keep it all together.

We wear masks on Sunday to keep other people out. To keep us safe. To keep others from hurting us. Maybe it’s because we don’t want other people to see us cry. Maybe it’s pride. Maybe it’s a delusion that we can control something. Maybe it’s fear that they won’t like us if they really know what we’re like.

What is it with you? Are you open with those in your covenant community? Have you opened yourself up to them? Why not?

You see, God loves me. And He loves me knowing how awful and useless I am. He knows where I’m failing better than even I know myself. And He loves me. He not only loves me, He paid for all of my uselessness and wickedness and failings and awfulness with His own Son.

And yet.

I’m too often afraid.

Remember the old deodorant commercial? “Never let them see you sweat.”

We are afraid to let others know we’re weak and frail and useless.

But what does the Gospel say?

The Gospel says we’re weak. And frail. And useless.

And that’s why Jesus came. Because He loved (and loves!) a weak and frail and useless people and died for their weak, frail, useless souls.

So that in Him we wouldn’t be weak or frail or useless anymore.

And in Him we’re not.

But in ourselves, in our own strength, we are.

But we forget who we are and who we are in Christ.

So you may see more of who I am on this blog from time to time. And make no mistake it is who I am. I am a weary, failing person who is tired of trying to do too much. And the only way I become anything else is if I turn to Him who does more than I ask and rest upon and wait upon Him.

So may we all, today, wait upon the Lord and have renewed strength. And when we do not, may we fall so hard upon His grace that we remember who we are and who He is and what He’s done.

And then the Gospel will live itself out in our lives as weak and frail and useless people point to the mighty, strong, benevolent Savior who can save our weak and frail and useless neighbors just as He saved weak and frail and useless me. Weak and frail and useless you.

So take off your face mask and believe the Gospel and go forth in peace by His grace alone. Repent of trying to go it on your own and trust in the risen, ruling Savior! He alone does great and marvelous works. May He do so today through broken vessels like you and me.

I’ve got two posts brewing that will fill in some gaps about the last two.

I’ve gotten several contacts from dear friends concerned about me so I wanted to jot off a quick note.

First, Jesus is still on His throne. I have not lost sight of that.

Second, my weariness is not in any way because of family matters. My wife is helping to hold me up in this and I am not struggling with doing good to my family and I have joyed in going home to them the past few days. My wife is appreciated as she helps me to maintain perspective. And Margary is doing quite well.

Likewise I was able to worship yesterday with my church family and that was a big help in lifting my spirits. We worship an amazing God.

More to follow, but I wanted to jot a quick post saying that I’m doing OK and appreciate those who are asking and praying.

Isaiah 40:27-33:

Why do you say, O Jacob,
and speak, O Israel,
“My way is hidden from the LORD,
and my right is disregarded by my God”?
Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.
Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.

I’ve gotten a couple of phone calls on my previous post.

I’m doing OK. I’m tired. I’m still feeling disillusioned and discouraged but I’ll make it through this by God’s grace.

The passage above is what I read this morning, emphasis mine.

I am a young man feeling faint and exhausted.

But God gives power to those who are faint and who lack might. And right now I am waiting on Him to renew my strength.

Tomorrow is the Sabbath day. It will be better. May God humble me enough that I don’t forget that I lack strength and might–may I be humbled enough that I wait upon Him for renewed strength all the time. May I be humbled enough that my heart will soar in His grace like upon the back of an eagle.

There is much ahead of me in the short and long term. Pray that I would trust God enough that I will walk and not grow faint.

Galatians 6:9:
“And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”

Tonight I am weary of doing good. Some would probably tell me I’ve not yet begun to do good, and they’d probably be right.

But tonight I am weary. It appears to me that I am going to give up before I reap.

And for that I feel guilty. It’s not God’s fault I’m weary. He gives grace and perseverance to those who ask in faith.

“Let us not grow weary of doing good…”

Tonight I am weary.

It was a hard day today and the reason it was hard is because of my own heart. I don’t trust God enough. I forget that the dragons are His to fight and not mine.

And so tonight I am weary.

I am losing heart.

I don’t want to do good anymore to anyone. I’m tired of feeling like it doesn’t do any good and that it just doesn’t help. Today there seemed to be ample evidence that the good I thought I’d done hasn’t done anything.

Maybe I’m blind. It wouldn’t be the first time that God was doing things and I couldn’t see them.

Tonight I am weary.

Father, forgive me for being weary of doing good. It is all my fault. I know that Your promises are true. Or at least I know that I should know that they are true. Help my unbelief. Give me strength. Don’t let me give up.

Tonight I am weary. Weary of doing good. May God be pleased to give me rest and encouragement and grace that I might not give up and lose heart.

I don’t want to be weary.

I know I am weary because I try in my own strength. Forgive me Father, for tonight I am weary.

UPDATE:
After a good night’s sleep life doesn’t look as bad as it did. I am still tired and overwhelmed and lack some strength to do good to others. Today I will take care of my family and next week I will consider the world.